Guiding Hands, Applause, UA Fort Smith

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Guiding Hands

By Alicia Agent

I remember his hands then,
much bigger than mine.
I sat beneath his kitchen bar stool
drinking make believe moonshine.

A sip or two would cure what ailed me,
be it a gun shot wound or snake bite.
I explored the “Old West” with my grandfather
until an annoyed grandmother became my plight.

When I wouldn’t mind, she “thumped my gourd,”
or at least that’s what she said.
I found out later gourds were empty
and she was referring to my head.

During the “Wonder Years” of my life
it was time to “Blossom.”
I was “Saved by the Bell”
and had “California Dreams” of “90210.”
Whether it was a “Party of Five” or a “Full House,”
when it came to “Family Matters,” there was always “My Two Dads,”
“The Torkelsons,” and the “Brady Bunch,” too.
If I can’t live with them, I guess my family will have to do.
As I think back to my now syndicated youth,
I realize I may have watched too much TV.

Adolescence brought on changes,
sometimes I felt left behind.
The experiences and relationships of my friends
were far more advanced than mine.

I wasn’t jealous. Well, okay.. a little.. maybe..
But now I’m glad,
at least I’m not the one who’s twenty-something with a baby.

I spent four years of high school fumbling to find my place in the crowd.
It took a pen and a reporter’s notebook to make me feel like I was allowed.
I hid behind a camera capturing other people’s memories
of plays, games, dances, and pep assemblies.

I went to college to study journalism
and report the news.
I wrote about corrupt presidents
and how much money the school would lose.

I was editor of the newspaper
and had little time for much of a social life,
And looking back, I should have known better
than to fall for a guy who still had a thing for his ex-wife.

A year passed, things changed.
I wasn’t the foolish freshman he once knew,
And when he transferred that Fall,
I told myself I’d find someone new.

I learned not to date cowboys,
they aren’t always nice.
I didn’t realize that the first time,
so I made the same mistake twice.

A new semester brought a new assistant into my newsroom.
At first he was just an elusive boy in black,
to me he wasn’t much.
But by mid-term he was always there,
we were rarely out of touch.

It might have seemed like there was something between us,
on campus we were rarely apart.
But I knew I could only have his time and friendship,
a long distance love had his heart.

Graduation was approaching,
How could I say goodbye?
If we weren’t so close, it’d be easy to leave,
so I gave hating him a try.
But despite my efforts, the last time he hugged me
I couldn’t help but cry.

Now I’m here.
Far from home.
In a place unknown and new,
There is no one to share what I’m going through.

I remember my grandfather’s hands
aged from work and time.
I wish he was here now,
so I could hold them in mine.
I wish he was here to watch me grow up
And reassure me that I turned out fine.

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